


I Am Sansa Stark. You Cannot Frighten Me.

by nanjcsy



Series: Candles Burn, Candles Go Out. [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Memories, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Same Scene, Sansa's POV, Thoughts of Revenge and Resolution, Trying to help Duscha and Toad get over this jagged rainbow and move onward.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:23:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3976276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, this story is for all the Sansa supporters here that are having some trouble with season five, episode six. I am not redoing the wedding night like many are. Instead of changing it, I want to help you accept it better. So I am going to re enact that scene from Sansa's POV. And through her eyes (and mine), let's see if she made it through okay....I bet she did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Sansa Stark. You Cannot Frighten Me.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tommyginger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommyginger/gifts), [DuschaPendragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuschaPendragon/gifts).



> I have decided to make a small series on my take on the Ramsay/Reek/Sansa scenes during season five. I have taken liberties of course, and this is mostly me filling in the blanks with my own twisted mind.

The first thing to break through the winter snow, numbing, so lovely, like falling clouds, were wolves. Sansa stared at the pile of wolf skins on the large bed. "Do you like it?" Almost slipping, she almost sighed with how tiresome these bullies are. Sick to death, sick to the very core of these rabid little boys, it is almost funny. Sansa thinks of how Margaery seemed to only marry kings marked for death. And I attract sadistic boys that wear handsome faces that are deeply ugly. Sansa kept her back straight and responded correctly. Just once, she wished she could drop the masks, the courtliness. Imagine telling them what she really thought. Imagine doing whatever she wished to them! 

Sansa saw Joff..no..Ramsay, she will have to watch that, Gods! Ramsay, Ramsay, even if that look and those gleeful eyes are the same. A big difference though, remind myself, we go over and over this so we don't bolt, dear. Oh Gods, these men are going to drive her crazy. Wait, pay attention, not just giving the right sounds, this is not right. No, Ramsay best make HIM leave. Murderer of little boys, traitor. She seethes and wants to take Theon's heart out with Walda's special polished soup spoon. Make Theon scream and watch his own heart slowly, ever so slowly come out of his chest. But this isn't Theon anymore. It is Reek and he is disgusting, loathsome and pitiful.

When that little whore tricked her into the kennels and she saw....

Two tiny boys, one a cripple, murdered, desecrated and hung to rot. After he LIVED with them, PROTECTED them and SWORE to help Robb. The King of the North and Theon had KNELT and swore an OATH to her brother. She knew, the poems, the stories and songs were everywhere. Most incorrect or exaggerated. Some of those men came to the South and Sansa made sure to spy. She heard enough to know what really happened in Winterfell and to her family.  To think that someone who hated them that much lived, slept under their roof! He killed her little brothers, killed so many innocents and burned down her home. Their home. She cannot forget nor forgive that.

For one small second, as Sansa had stood over Theon in that kennel, she almost attacked him. There was a tiny fraction of time where she was going to kick the man to death. Take the silver bar-like charm she always wears and put it through one of those bugging eyes. It must have filled her eyes, the hate and need to hurt and then it became weary disgust. Theon cringed away as if he were an abused hound, laying in filth, covered in rags. His arrogance, pride, prickish attitude were gone. So was that cocky sarcastic grin. This was terror, it was Theon's body, shattered as it seemed, but inside this was something else. Whatever it was, it was pathetic and Sansa would simply never visit the kennels again. Pushing away the question of why Ramsay had kept Theon alive, it wasn't important.

Until later at dinner when Sansa discovered Ramsay likes games. Just like Joff, even like that little brat, Robin. All three of them loved to cause someone upset. It was the same damned crooked grin, the same crazed smug look in their faces. A look of Joff taunting a drunk man he was going to kill by drowning him in wine. The look Robin had when he talked of making those who upset him fly. Unlike when Sansa was with Joff, she refused to play this game. Directly, her hand aching to slap Ramsay's face, lit up in cruel glee, she asked him why he was doing this. As expected, Ramsay wasn't going to stop taunting until he felt ready to. She had to stare at that creature, this Reek, not Theon. Because if she saw him as Theon, Sansa would kill him. Something told her that Ramsay would not be happy about the death of his favorite torture toy. So Sansa did what she always does, she endures.

An apology forced by fear was no real apology. And now Ramsay is saying that Reek, this creature must stay and watch? Ramsay spoke so cruelly and kissed so gently, it threw Sansa off guard. Biting back words, fine let Theon stay she can pretend he isn't there. Sansa is getting very good at pretending and now her lovely dress is ripped. Ruined and she is so angry over it, it almost, almost doesn't matter that her face is in the wolf fur. Calmness, be stone, he is your husband, he can take you in the damned courtyard if he wants. So be willing, even if pretending pleasure is beyond her still, she can do this. Pretend these are direwolves, Lady giving comfort and she is cold, her backside is freezing. As Ramsay is removing his belt, fixing his breeches, is that thing watching still? Is Theon really going to just watch this? Is this happening?

The humiliation stung but when Ramsay grabbed a hold of her hips and forced his way inside of her...OH GODS, IT HURTS, DON'T SCREAM, DON'T MOVE, DON'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION, DON'T GIVE THE CREATURE-TRAITOR A SHOW! Sounds tore out of her anyway, unwillingly as a beast grunted over her and is this how it is supposed to be? A memory of walking through a garden, where flowers barely covered the smell of shit with Margaery. They spoke of sex, she had been scared of Tyrion. Not just have having to marry him, but sex with the Imp? Though now Sansa wishes the gentle dwarf had been first. It might not have been pleasant, but he was always kind and caring of her. Isn't he done yet, why does he bite at her, Ramsay acts like a damned hound. Another flash of a war torn night and a man with a burned face. He wanted her, Sandor, her betrothed's Hound, he almost raped her. Would it have been like this or worse? Maybe she should have taken him up on his offer? She could have gotten here before the Boltons ever came. Maybe before Theon took over and destroyed her home. Petyr would have told her that by giving herself to Sandor, she could have owned him. Made him her Hound.

A roar and shudder over her and blessed relief, he is done. The weight is gone, leaving behind, sweat, bloody teeth marks and something disgusting slides out of her. Dripping blood and Ramsay down her thighs and Sansa thanks the Gods she doesn't vomit.  Aching, burning with pain and shame, Sansa covers herself fast in the furs. There is Theon, no, Reek now and he is sobbing, making whimpering sounds. Still staring because Ramsay hasn't released his creature from the loathsome order. Instead, as the smug bastard tucked himself into his pants, he cheerfully orders the sobbing man to bring wine. Wonderful, thought Sansa bitterly, let us toast the bridal blood sinking into the sheets. Why not? Men love to toast dreadful things. Yet when the shaking sobbing Reek brought the wine, Sansa drank deeply of it. It still tasted bad, but it could bring back that numbness, the winter to soothe her. She sees why Cersie and Tyrion loved it so much.

However, unlike the Queen, Sansa needs a solid head, but not tonight. So she accepted one more cupful, besides, Ramsay is still here. What if he wants more? Better to be as drunk as Tyrion was on their wedding night. And why was Theon crying? Was it Theon or was it Reek? As much as she hated him, loathed him, she may need him. Friends still in the North is wonderful, but unseen, unsure. Joff had a hound. This creature that used to be Theon was Ramsay's through and through. However, those tears, she knew they belonged to whoever Theon really was, before he destroyed her home. Before he killed her brothers, there was another side to him. She needed to dig that out and make him her pet. If she cannot control her husband, she will control everything around him. 

Her fears proved correct and Ramsay pulled her hair loose, to use as a leash. Sansa found herself staring down at his cock and trying not to gag. "Milord, I am not experienced. I have done my duty to you, I am very tired. Can we not try more things another time?" Her words were as polite as it would be to Cersie, as submissive as when she spoke with Joff. As firm as when she spoke to Robin and as level as when she spoke to Petyr. None of that mattered, the fist in her hair pulled harder. Ignoring whatever filth or taunt came out of Ramsay's mouth, trying not to hear Reek cry, Sansa put her mouth where he wanted. The whole time, she thought of how sharp her teeth were, a good bite, just one was tempting. But so was gagging and vomiting. Best to just allow this bastard his fun. Sansa reminded herself of Joff with his crossbow. Of Meryn Trent beating her, ripping off her clothing in front of the entire court. This wasn't as bad as all that. 

I have survived a mad prince that became a power crazed king. I have survived Cersie Lannister. And learned from both. I sought and received the advice of the now Queen, I observed Olenna Tyrell. Watched Tyrion use his wits to survive in spite of every bad luck hitting him in his twisted,scarred face. I have survived the Hound, I have survived a murderous aunt and tutored under Petyr. A master at deception and vengeance. I can survive you, Ramsay. In here, in the bedroom, you can play any games you wish. However, a Stark is back and I have friends in the North. There is still a glimmer of something inside that traitor you destroyed. I can pull him out and make him aid me. I can light the candle and bring forth defense or escape. Sansa used wine to rinse her mouth and even though tears streamed down her face, she was calm inside. I will take the Boltons down and take my home back. Without Stannis, without Petyr, I am Sansa Stark. I am not afraid. 

Let Ramsay play his games with me and he will never even notice me playing my own games. Just wait until he and his father leave to fight Stannis. Then candles will light, the Northern friends summoned and Reek turned. Hell, Sansa might even decide to play with Myranda. What a laugh if Ramsay survives and returns to find Winterfell under his wife's control? I can have you killed, I can make YOU into a Reek. Sansa forced a submissive smile to her lips and peeked up at her now tired husband. Good, fall asleep so I can dream of my revenge. She fell asleep next to Ramsay, dreaming of being the Wardeness of the North. The sounds of Reek still in the corner of the room, making tiny sounds of despair did not bother her. It helped, allowing her to imagine Ramsay making those sounds in the corner of her room. Perhaps Reek would enjoy having a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> a quick note. in an interview sophie said this was her Favorite Scene of the whole season. in another interview the male actors of Reek and Ramsay both said they were intensely uncomfortable about the scene, but felt that was the challenge of a good actor. it is all an act. not real even though great shows make us FEEL it really happened. keep in mind this one thing, those tears or that fueling rage you went through watching that.....well, wasn't that an AMAZING FREAKING JOB THEY ALL DID?? so i give the three of them a MAJOR thumbs up! even Jack Gleeson didn't get this much upset!!!!!


End file.
